My Body Must Hate Me
I have bipolar and have slightly gone up in the dose of Latuda, I went from 40mg to 60mg. When I thought I was getting better, I start waking up at 3:30 am. That is usually a sign that I am about to have a manic or hypomanic episode, for the last three days I've been anticipating some sort of mania to happen. But nothing. I feel the usual energy I have when manic, I actually could sleep more. What's happening is my body is twitching enough to wake me up, sometimes even violent jolts that probably make me look like I'm having an exorcist. Around 3:30 for someone reason is when I find it hard to fall back to sleep because I anticipate, like a hiccup, for my body to make sudden movements. With that, it's hard to fall back asleep. They even feel worse around that time. I'm ok throughout the day I notice them a little, but it's not disruptive. I've been through almost every medication for my depression, and I just feel so defeated. Like can, I get any relief, even just a little bit of the edge off. I was born to only suffer because that's what's been happening, that's all that's been happening. Is to figure out how not to suffer. Honestly, that's all that life feels like. It's just a big Google search on "How do I not suffer in life".