A Rebirth
When you feel yourself change, you think you'd be filled with an overwhelming joy and complete satisfaction with yourself. At least for me, this was not true. It was still a positive experience.
Let me explain. For the last couple of days I have been having a strange feeling, like something was stuck and was trying to get out of me. I took this as something negative, like I'm about to self sabotage, I'm about to be destructive. I rarely experience positive feelings unless I'm aware of something positive happening in front of me. So I didn't think of it as a positive feeling. I tried to push it down, which I know you are not supposed to do, but I needed to get some things done. Until I couldn't ignore it anymore. It started to rage at me.
Trying not to reactive negatively to it, I laid down and meditated on the feeling. I tried to find what emotion it was, like anger or sadness, only to come across things I already know. Finally, I used a technique that I haven't used since therapy years ago, visualization. The color orange came up, then it turned into a sphere shaped that glowed like the sun.
The more I focused, the more intense it felt, and I started to cry and become overwhelmed with feelings. I focused more on the visualization as it seemed to be working. It looked like a mini version of the sun, about the size of a basket ball. The illumination intensified and I cried harder. Until suddenly, within a few seconds, I was in a corner of a room with a shelf of empty vases. The ball of energy floats through an open window and with a burst of energy breaks all the vases.
I take a moment to continue to lay down and go over what I saw. I get up being in the moment I am calm and at peace for the first time in a while. I'm not too worried about what it all means. I was just happy to have processed that feeling and that it is no longer burning inside of me.
It is important to think about what I mean. Honestly, I think I just killed my old self. The vases represented my old, fragile self. Which I evolved into my new self, represented by a ball of energy. I'm going to go with me being a golden goddess or sun goddess.